Saturday, January 6, 2024
As we get older, older memories are more dear to us. A memory of Bernice which has been with me for three score years is one such. Sixty years ago today (Nollag na mBan) my father passed away. I was newly arrived in New York, and my brother, Pat, had flown home to be with the family at ‘the end’ while I remained 3,000 miles away. The Forkan family’s supportiveness, however, bridged the gap as much as was humanly possible. In particular, Bernice’s tact, understanding and caring showed forth then (as fully as she ever let it be seen!) on the day of my father’s burial. During the crucial hours of the far away ceremonies she drove me to a church - a journey that seemed hours long - and she just stayed with me. There was little talk but a strong sense of sharing and supportiveness. She was there for me. I doubt that I spoke my appreciation to her adequately then - though in more recent years (happily for me in hindsight) I reminded her of the events of that day.
The circumstances of her own start in life possibly go a long way to explaining this usually private side of Bernice. Born as she was in Christmas week 1929 under the immediate shadow of the Wall Street crash, to a mother widowed only months previously who already had a 2-year old daughter to care for. What dismal prospects for an immigrant only 5 years in the country. (Aunt Mai’s own mother had died just 2 years earlier back home in Ireland - how bleak and lonely can life get?)
Despite such enormous adversity Aunt Mai managed to hold her children together and their their home address at Post Ave became almost as well known to family in Ireland as their own home addresses! Aunt Mai was a great correspondent and a beacon for all family and friends traveling to US over succeeding decades. She in turn brought her 2 grown-up daughters on a visit to Ireland in early 1950's, when most of their Irish cousins were in their impressionable teens or younger. So Aunt Mai became central and inspirational in a low-key way as family awareness of her ability to cope with adversity was known by all and ever spoken of in positive terms - she was a presence, an influence, a part of the fabric of all of our lives.
In the late 1950's Aunt Mai suffered a heart-attack yet still continued to work in Macy's but more slowly. It was in the aftermath of this that Bernice became central to life at Post Ave. Hospitality for the flow of Irish family, (and Irish friends of family) begun by Aunt Mai continued unabated with some staying days, others weeks and several even for months at a time. Then in the early 1960’s Bernice was instrumental in masterminding the family’s move to the apt. on nearby Ft George Hill. A decade or so later so she repeated this feat with the move to their suburban stand-alone dream home in New Jersey where, after her retirement and the passing of Aunt Mai, she devoted much time and energy to aiding Fr Des in church fund-raising efforts - as had been a pattern since the 1950’s with her support for Fr’s Cooney and Byrne during their extended stays in NY.
Loyalty, supportiveness, and long-term bonds were kept hidden from casual notice. A sharp wit, direct questioning and endless curiosity regarding one’s own doings protected the private space in which she herself lived . She will assuredly live on in the memories of all family, friends and acquaintances who were enough fortunate to know her.
May she rest in peace.
